I started to get a ringing in my ears in July 2002 and I assumed it would go away. It was hard to sleep but I didn't stress because I was sure it would go away soon. Two days later I woke up to the sound of cicadas and I asked my wife if she heard it. She said she did... and I cried with relief that perhaps it was all in my head and that there was a cicada in the house?? I looked up this 'ringing' on the Internet. Big mistake! There was a cicada permanently lodged in my frontal lobe.
I was now educated to the fact that this condition has no cure. The noise got louder as the days passed. It has remained loud but varies depending on how tired I am. If I have an afternoon nap (or try to) it attacks me like a frakking foghorn. I often broke down and curled up into a foetal position wishing myself to death. Crying until tears dried up. Praying for death. Hoping for death. Crying was not helping but it was all I could do. Crying alone at my computer. The thought of death was so comforting. My death would devastate too many people I loved... it was not an option but was still comforting to know that one day I would die because it's definite and would stop the ringing. I still have no fear of death and still do look forward to it, sort of. Until then I will enjoy as much as I can... I will try to live for my children and for their happiness.
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This is the bane of my existance. The trick to beating Tinnitus is to ignore it and don't give it the attention it screams out for. Easier said than done.
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What is Tinnitus?
Worldwide research continues but the actual mechanisms, or processes of tinnitus are not yet fully understood. We do know that tinnitus is real, not imagined, and that it is a symptom of a malfunction, usually somewhere in the hearing system (includes ear and brain). The inner ear, or cochlear, is involved for many people.
MedWorm: Tinnitus
4 comments:
Big mistake to look it up on the internet? I feel ya, I've had the same experience.
Then again, your text is exactly the kind of literature that puts people with T in distress. I was looking for some inspiration to deal with my own condition, and now I'm sorry I got here. All I can say, is that T can be beaten. Easier said than done, true. When the doctor told me I had T and that there was no cure and that I was going to hear the ringing for life I freaked out. But right before she told me that, I had managed to reduce my awareness to T to the point where I had forgoten about it (for several weeks). Now I wish I had not gone to the doctor, but it was inevidable. One thing I know though, is if you can beat anxiety and depression caused by T, you will start not caring about the T, and ultimately manage to ignore it.
Sorry for poor grammar and spelling, not my forte.
Sorry to hear this blog didn't make you feel any better, but I hope you did read on. This was the first blog of the journey. Tinnitus does get easier to manage and it just become background noise that you habituate after a while. I wished I hadn't have wasted time seeking miracle cures and just accepted it and relaxed. That's why it took me longer than most to deal with.
You will adapt and it won't get worse.
Well I'm the one who is completely overpower by it. Sharp shrill jet plan nose with cicadas it has gone so louder that it can b heard over tv radio anything. I think I will have a heart attack and die. I think I m the worst suffered. Helpless I m
I absolutely understand what you have described. I have had exactly the same thoughts and feelings when my T started 12 months ago. I must confess that still, sometimes, I find myself thinking the same things, although now I can deal with T better. There are days when I say "OK, I can live with that". But there are some days that I start feeling the same, and I want to escape...
But somewhere in my mind, I believe that one day, there will be a cure...
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